Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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