There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize