I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize