i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
