Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
