Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
