you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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