I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
