she smelled like a LAN party
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
