I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
