I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
