I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
