U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
