hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
