if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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