too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
