Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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