I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
