I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
