His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
