Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
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You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
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I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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