THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
