I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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