i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
