i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
