don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
