Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Randomize
