It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just had sex bonerless
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Even my vagina gasped.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
