From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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