I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
