If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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