If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
