mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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