someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
