i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
