think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
