Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
that's an acceptable place to lick
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
