i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
