Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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