DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
