Non-Jews are for practice
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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