thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
