Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
