before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
