margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
