tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My ATM looks so different sober.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
