I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
