ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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