But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
