She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
