whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
