dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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