I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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