I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
