My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
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