Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
