So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the day after is always just damage control
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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