Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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