do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
