I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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