Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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