i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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