They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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