If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
