SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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