My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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