puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
ttyl tear gas
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
