just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
