I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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