Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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