just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
