Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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