I am puke
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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