It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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