5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we're making bets on your personal life
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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