They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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