I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
