hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
