yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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