It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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