To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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