No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
