my sisters under your porch take her home
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
